I’d just like to share with everyone my recent blog activity as I’ve had a few people question the supposed flux in activity due to my blogging about erections.  For them, I’d like to bring to your attention the graph above which follows my weekly traffic.  As you can see, my traffic this past week has been through the roof.  Below, I’ve typed up a list of searches that have directed people to this blog:

breathing fire

robot making

japanese pet robot

penis erection and girls how to make a good joke about it

boy hide erection at pool

erection in public

crossing your arms won’t hide a boner

robots for sale

how to sell giant robots

boy bulge awkward

erection bulge

tent erection pants

girl looking at boy’s erection

good way to make fun of someone with public erection in school

As you can see, besides people looking to make and sell robots, many people are in search of boners and apparently how to make fun of people with them in particular.  Kids can be so cruel.

Some are admittedly better than others, my personal favorite being the t-shirt modeled by the handsome gentleman but I think I’m onto something.  I’m pretty sure these babies would sell like hot-cakes.

And so, while wracking my brain as to what to write today (as I hadn’t blogged in some time), I decided to just give everyone what they want – boners.  It’s a little crude I know but as they always say – “give the people what they want”.  So, without further ado, I give to you a cavalcade of boners.  Some new, some old, some famous, and some infamous.  Enjoy.

Sometimes you’re dancing with a girl on national television and you can’t help but pitch a tent.

Or maybe you’re on the subway, as this man seen here on the San Francisco BART, and get a little excited.

Sometimes even Kevin Costner gets a boner.

Or former presidents.

Apparently girls can get boners.

Of course, boners are not just exclusive to people.  Take this cactus for example.

If you take anything from this blog, I think we’ve all learned that boners can happen anywhere, anytime.  It can happen to anyone, be it your local burger joint guy, multi-million dollar movie star, DC statesman, or even a cactus.  So, in conclusion, let’s all give a salute to the boner.  At the very least, it provides a great draw to this small, humble blog.

Note:  Those of you who were looking for more high brow humor, rest assure that my next blog will be more tasteful….but wait, if you’re reading this blog then you probably came to read about boners.  So maybe I should reword my last statement and say the next installment will be more tasteful….with a chance of boners.

While scouring the free section of Craigslist today, in hopes of finding a TV no one wanted anymore, I came upon an ad for what can only described as quite possibly the most bizarre free thing you might ever get off craigslist.  Below is the posting in question:

“Okay this is very odd, but here goes: my ex-boyfriend liked to paint and thus over the course of our relationship he gave me several paintings tailored to my various interests. Now I am about to move in with a different guy and we mutually agreed that it would be weird to decorate our new home with my ex-boyfriend’s art, but it would break my heart to just throw them away. The one I have left combines three of my interests: classic movies, bunnies, and tapirs.  So this painting is a retooled version of a poster for the 1941 Humphrey Bogart film “The Maltese Falcon”. It measures 9×12 on canvas.  So there you have it. I guarantee that no one else in the world will have anything like it.”

You really have to wonder what went sour in their relationship for them to break up.  I mean, how could you break up with someone who paints stuff like this for you?  Especially if you love classic movies, tapirs, and bunnies.  If, for any reason, you are reading this post and are thinking “I HAVE to own this wonderful piece of art!” and live in the New York City area, you can contact: sale-3jhvu-1446094488@craigslist.org and claim your free painting.  Now, if only someone would paint something for me involving curry, fantasy movies, and penguins…

I came upon this ad the other day while surfing the net and figured I’d share.  As you can see, it’s an ad targeted at women to lose weight with promise of monetary compensation.  The problem is the woman in the picture isn’t fat.  Like, at all.  Some would argue she’s merely surprised by her new weight but I would argue that she looks repulsed.  Besides, where’s that monetary compensation?  She should have a big wad of cash in her hand then.  No, that’s definitely an “oh my god, I’m still so fat” face if I’ve ever seen one.  I think what we’ve learned from this is if you’re going to make a weight loss ad, you should probably not use an anorexic.

The life of an adolescent boy can be tough.  Besides puberty, homework, and girls, there’s the occasional public erection to contend with.  Nothing’s worse than sitting in chemistry with a pitched tent in your pants as you awkwardly try to conceal it by crossing your legs or by putting your hands in your pockets to help hide the growing bulge in your jeans.  Yes, those difficult in-between years can prove quite challenging as one learns to wrangle one’s penis (ladies, you don’t know what I’m talking about but this is a sacred rite of passage that many men must undertake).  Here we find one such troubled boy with that very problem, at the public pool of all places.  You’ll note he’s taking a different route than crossing his legs (since he’s standing) or putting his hands in his pockets (as he has none) – simply with a dirty scowl and a crossing of his arms.

While I can understand the singing and dancing, I’m a little confused about the breathing fire.  Sure, it seems cool now but just wait until this thing is rampaging through Tokyo, smoldering buildings and frantic citizens.  Then it won’t be so funny.  Still, it seems the day of giant robots running amok is coming closer to fruition.  This just reinforces my argument that we, the United States, need to get into the giant robot making business.  Not only would it provide millions of jobs but how awesome would it be to have a real life Voltron?  If we ever do start making robots, let’s just make sure we don’t make them like this guy’s.  His heart’s in the right place but it’s just not big enough…nor is the lack of a shirt necessary.

If you thought Segways were as bad as it gets, buckle up.  Japanese automaker Honda recently unveiled this motorized unicycle to the Tokyo press, stating it hopes to target the device to the elderly.  Promising to be easy to use and unobtrusive to other pedestrians, riders need only lean forward to move the device.  While I’m all about providing methods of mobility to the elderly, as we’ll all be there someday, something tells me these aren’t exactly going to be flying off store shelves.  I mean, does no one else notice that they look absolutely ridiculous?  In the end, I can only guess as to where they came up with the idea for this elderly friendly unicycle but if I was a betting man, and I’m not, I’d guess someone went to the circus and found some inspiration.

After seeing a Dateline special on human trafficking, Maggie Schmaltz decided she wanted to make a difference.  So she drove down to the airport and crawled into a cramped, see-through suitcase, intent on making the issue known to the world.  Things were going great for Schmaltz, she was already getting concerned, quizzical glances and people were beginning to talk amongst themselves.  The buzz had begun.  Maybe this would even make the nightly news.  Unfortunately, the evening news’ top story would not be the issue of human trafficking but rather a dead woman found in a suitcase as Schmaltz, in her haste to make a statement, had forgotten to include air holes.

Meet Gus.  He’s allergic to black people.